Monday, January 25, 2016

what happened

So, I guess I left a bit of a cliff hanger last time. I was in a full blown panic attack and riding out 20 milligrams of morphine and 4 mg of ativan.

At only half that dose of both medications I was still hitting a 10 on the pain scale. What started out as severe groin pain, turned into debilitating and agonizing spasms in my legs and ass. Shooting waves of torment travelled from my soles to my shoulders. Two plus hours of this...

So I was properly fucked up and freaking the hell out when I saw suicide ideation as a side-effect of ativan. This resulted in my desperate disclosure of suicidal intrusive thoughts.

My concern was really about the fact that I was so opiated and loose, I might respond violently with too little provocation. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to explain that.

Point being, I did imagine offing myself, but it was not particularly likely.

So we got a room with money we don't really have for a couple of nights , and I only really felt myself yesterday afternoon.

Now, we're back to hobo mode and I am ridiculously sore.

Dr. Appt. Tomorrow.

No idea what the fuck caused this.

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