Friday, January 22, 2016

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Fucking hell, the hospital, again, Telling strangers about my disorders again. Being ill believed by brusque male medical folks. Seizing and spasmin, however, that's a fun new discovery of relentless, alarming pain. 
Then, of course, last night, my social anxiety disorder causes a panic attack, dropped me into depression and anxiety riddled intrusive suicidal thoughts. yay

Panic attacks ride the debilitating spasms like angry swarms.
Broke on through to a full on 10 on the pain scale, (my personal rubric for that is to remember remember strapped to a backboard with two pelvic fractures). Still getting there after the first dose of morphine, in fact.
Two shots of morphine, phenigran, and some adavan have me near to functional but far from pain free.
Suicide obeservational services will make this the most expensive room we've let in a long.
But I took some ragged notes so a sad poem or horrifying story may come from all this...

I am not well.

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