Saturday, November 28, 2015

helpful tips for roadside misanthropy

If you are traveling with an anxiety disorder, but are also poor, you will frequent rest areas. Here are some helpful tips to keep other travelers at a distance.

> Have weird hair.

> Begin immediately cooking calamari on a propane stove. Olive oil with tarragon and coriander, allow that to heat up some more, add garlic, add dead squid, add salt, sauté for seven minutes or so, eat it with your fingers. Look passersby directly in the eye while slurping tentacles.

> Wash several days’ worth of dishes on your propane stove.

> Do your laundry in a bucket.

> Curse loudly at inanimate objects which fail to meet your expectations.

> Carry a large skinning knife around (sheathed) in your pocket, because you lost your pocketknife in the bedding when you thought you were going to have to stab that weirdly aggressive dude in that other rest stop in New Mexico.

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