Tuesday, August 25, 2015

what i rememember

I can remember my middle school social studies book in vivid detail. The striking funeral mask of King Tutankhamen, all lapis lazuli blue and gleaming polished gold, adorned the cover. I can almost remember the title font, something utilitarian and not quite sans serif; I can’t quite see it, though. It was a cheaply made case-wrapped hardcover, like almost all the text books I would see until college. The cover was supposed to have a royal blue backround, I think, but shoddy printing rendered some muddy middle betwixt navy and country blue.

I can remember all that, but I might not remember your face. I will forget your name. I will lose your entire existence, without a narrative to keep you breathing in my mind. I just cannot remember. Like flour in a sieve, it may mound for a while, but every forward movement sends more of it to the floor. It will all sift away into nothing.

I have forgotten so many; I will forget many more.

With effort, in the shower especially, I can remember the candle soliloquy from Macbeth. I consult the memory of schoolroom maps to place world events as I read them.

But, I have forgotten nearly everyone with which I shared those schoolrooms. They are now simply shadows, and signify nothing to me.

My mind will not remember people. I am deeply confused by people, anyway; perhaps dysmemory is for the best.

I can barely remember myself from those days if it is any consolation.

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