Thursday, August 6, 2015

memorandum

Just a friendly reminder, the eggs are poison.

Happy Egg Day, everyone.

Please disregard previous company policies concerning all matters and surrender outdated Handbooks to the Inflammatory or Inflammable Bins.

All vacation, salaries, Workman’s Compensation Laws, and Federal Regulatory Committee Findings have been cancelled. 

Try to smile more; smiling is jogging for the soul.

All Corporate Gymnasiums have been converted into Funtime Recreational Work Pods.

If you have not, please see the Human Resources department to have your Sex Monitoring Funchips installed. Remember, injection site discomfort and feelings of meaninglessness against the vast backdrop of an uncaring universe are perfectly normal.

Just a friendly reminder, sunshine has been linked to inappropriate thinking. Please keep your Funtime Lightbreaker curtains closed at all times. Failure to do so may result in summary dismissal or execution.

And, don’t forget to have efficient and unquestioning FUN™ today, valued* employee.

*Please see Human Resources to find out your exact, numerical value within the grand equations of the Company.

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