This is different from most of the others. I kind of want to go in the opposite direction to yesterday’s piece, so here are three funny things I’ve said.
“William Shatner is my spirit animal.”
“Bi? I prefer to think of myself as an Equal Opportunity Lecher.”
In response to being called a faggot moments before a bar fight, “Motherfucker, I can only think of two reasons to call somebody that; you’re looking to a fistfight or a blowjob, and I just don’t think you’re cute. So you’d better just pick one and try again.” He chose fistfight, like really, really quickly. I was actually midstream at a urinal. Probably should have finished peeing before responding to the dumb-fuck. Luckily he was throwing such weaksauce punches that I actually finished peeing before I fought him back. So, yah. That used to be my life.