So I wrote a 2000 word personal essay explaining exactly how I got into the shitty situation that I am in. It was useful to me to see it all spelled out. I don’t think it will be useful to anyone else.
This is the short version:
“I listened to Black Flag today and did not find them to be angry enough to suit my mood. I find myself pressed on all sides with no clear way forward.”
I am an Objectivist and also very poor. The vagaries of life are difficult. The end.